Restoring traumatized kids’ trust and connections

Renae Wolf is Kids Alive Guatemala's Trauma Competent Caregiver (TCC) Training Coordinator for foster families. She is a missionary and works closely with Kids Alive Guatemala’s partner, SOMOS, which raises awareness, trains, mobilizes, and supports the church in its care of orphans and vulnerable children. Below is a report based on a conversation with Renae.

The CT scan on the left shows a normal child's brain, while the one on the right is the brain of a child who has been the victim of emotional trauma. Bruce D Perry/The Child Trauma Academy.

Trauma is today’s buzzword; everyone from scientists to teachers and tabloid editors to the next-door neighbor has an opinion on it. If that awareness has at times led to misinformation and confusion, it has also led to discoveries, learnings, and an enhanced understanding of trauma and its impact.

For example, we now know that extreme stress, especially in childhood, alters the brain’s chemistry, structure, and function, affecting all body functions and leaving a significant health impact lasting a person’s lifetime. By studying a baby’s attachment cycles, we have learned that burping, crying, and diaper-filling that parents attend to in the first year of a child’s life is amongst the most critical jobs they will ever do.

Every time a newborn has a need and their parent meets that need, they learn two truths at the very core of their physiology, psychology, and spirituality: “I am worth loving,” and “You can be trusted.” The child learns at a deep, fundamental level that there is good even when the world is frightening. A two-week-old infant is not exactly verbalizing this, but hundreds of times per day, that cycle of met needs spins around, building the base from which the child will operate for the rest of their life.

‍Restoring broken "connections"‍

That begs the profound question which is at the heart of Kids Alive’s mission, “What happens to kids whose attachment (or “connection”) cycle is interrupted?” We work with kids whose base “truth” has been reinforced hundreds of times per day as, “You are not worth loving, and you cannot trust me. Your voice does not matter.” No one cared what you felt when you were hungry, tired, or abused. The adults who were supposed to care for and protect you instead ignored or even used you. You were designed to seek connection but found none. The only connection was painful and frightening.While providing this child with a safe environment is a necessary start, it would be naïve to assume that one night in a warm bed with a full tummy and a kiss on the forehead will magically re-wire the very core of their physiology, psychology, and spirituality. That is where trauma competency comes in.

Here is an example from one of our house mom’s observations:

One of the girls in our home was sweeping a shared living space. Her house mom asked her to go back and redo a spot she had missed. The girl responded, "I already did!" Rather than lock horns over a "did not or did" situation, the house mom used one of the Trauma Competent Caregiving (TCC) "life scripts" that both she and the girls were familiar with, "Could you try that again with respect?" It empowered the girl to use her voice respectfully and negotiate with her caregiver from a place of listening and connection.

Raising scaffolding around survivors‍

At their core, all kids have a deep need for the same thing, to know how to connect and believe they and others are worthy of connecting. Kids from safe, loving, stable backgrounds have this hard-wired into their brains and bodies, equipped to grow and develop as created. However, what works with a developmentally typical brain and body building off a solid base of attachment, will encounter a bizarre resistance when layered on top of a teetering foundation of fear. Kids from hard places have to work hard to re-wire their brain and body and may even need to begin to grow and develop from the point at which trauma waylaid their beautiful design. An incredible amount of groundwork is required, and scaffolding is raised around a childhood trauma survivor to meet that same need.

A Casa Ester house mom observed:

It has been a blessing that in our first months of working at Kids Alive Guatemala, we received TCC training. The training has helped me see the young ladies we serve from a different perspective. In one session, they showed two images (CT scan), one of the brains of a young girl who had suffered multiple cases of abuse and another who had not. I could not believe the damage that was visible in the scans.

While trauma-aware care is essential for caregivers of traumatized children, the same trust-based principles of connecting, empowering, and guiding traumatized kids are at the core of all competent caregiving. TCC puts words to what many of us live out every day with kids from all kinds of places. Learning to be a good detective of your child, being curious about who they are, delighting in them while affirming their value is critical. So is connecting at their level, understanding their needs, empowering their minds and bodies, setting healthy limits, building trust, and guiding and correcting them from that place of love and trust. While this may be more intuitive for some caregiver-child relationships, it can be more challenging for others, but the core needs remain the same.

An Oasis house mom shared this anecdote on how she was able to foster connecting with one of the girls in her home: One day, I approached one of the girls in my house and asked her what she enjoys doing. She told me that she enjoyed cooking. So, I invited her to spend a day with me in the kitchen to connect, cook, and gain confidence and build trust. The TCC techniques have helped me connect with each of the girls in my home to form healthy attachments. The training has also helped me develop a better understanding of each of my girls instead of reacting negatively or misinterpreting their poor behaviors.  

Caregivers practice their newly acquired TCC skills with their kids when everyone is calm. If the conversation triggers any trauma and the child reacts out of fear, they have the time to access some of their new tools to get their needs met. This approach empowers children to calm down and respond out of a place of trust.

In the long run, a few extra minutes of connecting is much quicker and far less draining than a three-hour screaming match! In the end, everyone concerned benefits from TCC training.TCC is a team effort, and hence all our staff has received TCC training as they serve kids whose brains and bodies are learning to reconnect. Consistency is essential for healing from trauma. Kids Alive Guatemala wants all adults on its campuses to be well equipped to connect, correct wisely, and be kid-safe and friendly.